Five Points to Hufflepuff
by KingofAllRight
Summary: An Arithmancer and a Herbologist room together post-Hogwarts during the early days of Voldemort's first rise. Shenanigans will ensue. No smut or gore. No planned pairings. Rating is mainly for language and innuendo (and there will be plenty of both). Basically just a "Day in the Life" fic of two flawed wizards figuring out the adulting thing. Read and review if it suits your fancy.
1. Setting Stuff Up

AN:

Hey guys!

I'm attempting to do a little writing exercise for my wife on here. This idea started off on a Harry Potter Minecraft server. I found it much easier to write for the classes if I kept the characters the same throughout. Thus, Daniel and Matthew were born. My wife enjoyed the short stories, and has been continuously "encouraging" me to properly flesh them out. So, as a portion of her Christmas gift, I have pledged to do so. I will create quite a few characters throughout the story, and will likely steal a few as well. I will note in the AN who I stole, and (if I can recall) where I stole them from. If I stole something you're familiar with, and didn't properly notate it, let me know so I can update the AN.

That being said, there will be a few setup chapters, and then we'll settle into a silly episodic method of storytelling. This is to take place during the beginning of Voldemort's first rise. I'm not planning on having them meet any well-known characters from the HP universe, or have them accomplish anything overly amazing. I might have a Death Muncher skirmish in here later on, but again, nothing groundbreaking. This is simply a drawn-out story about two dinguses being dinguses. The chapters will go off of one another, so I won't have anything ridiculous happen and then backtrack afterwards.

Concerning the rating, there will be some rather harsh language, but no gore and no smut. I also don't plan on having any pairings, but I'm not fully opposed to the idea, so I might end up eating those words. I'm keeping the rating M to be safe, and because there will be some kaleidoscope-level colorful language in here.

I do not currently have a beta, nor do I think I ever will. So, in spite of my best efforts, there will be errors.

Anyways, feel free to read and enjoy. Updates will be approximately once a week.

I've rambled for far too long, so here we go.

* * *

"Congratulations, Mister Daniel Pond." The jovial short man spared me a small smile as he reached out to shake my hand. "You've successfully passed your Charms NEWT. We'll send the final grade along within a week or two, but I daresay you're not terribly concerned about it. You clearly have an above average understanding of the subject, and your ingenuity is truly a wonder!"

I smiled through the overly-long conversation. "Thank you for your kind words, Professor."

"Of course, lad!" He finally let go of my hand, which allowed me to quickly make my way out of the exam room.

My brisk pace through the hallways paused at the newsstand, and even then, only for a moment. I leafed through the back portion of the paper while dodging my fellow pedestrians, many of whom were looking at me with some level of disdain. Apparently, it was rude to read a newspaper while walking down Diagon Alley. I did choose to stow away the paper as I reached the front steps of Gringotts, however; there's a difference between being casually rude and being suicidal.

The lines were short, which wasn't surprising for an early Tuesday afternoon. I stepped into the shortest line, and was quickly seen to.

"May your enemies be required to deal with the most obnoxious of Wizarding Britain." I intoned with a small bow. The Goblin behind the desk cracked a small grin. I continued, "Senior Teller, I wish to set up a meeting with Matthew Wells concerning his request for a housemate."

The Goblin nodded and wrote something in his enormous ledger, "Mister Wells is currently in a meeting with his account manager. I will have the message passed on."

"Understood." I replied, "I'll wait near the benches for him, then."

"Do you have any further business with Gringotts today?"

"Possibly, but that depends upon the aforementioned meeting."

"Very well." The Goblin made another mark in the ledger. "May your discussion be fruitful."

I bowed again, "May your afternoon be as pleasant as possible, considering..." I trailed off as I vaguely waved towards the humans waiting in line. I didn't respond to the small snort the Goblin made, nor to the various reaction said humans had. The quickest way to the heart of the Goblins was gold, obviously, but the best alternative was through snark and not wasting time.

I pulled out the newspaper again to wait out Matthew. Pretty much every article was going to be either useless or not trustworthy, but I'd rather look busy than look like I'm loitering, especially in Gringotts.

As it turns out, the wait was only about five minutes. I looked up to see Matthew walking towards me, a vague spark of recollection in his eyes. "Pond?"

I stood up and took his proffered hand. "Correct, Wells. Five to Hufflepuff."

He chuckled quietly. "Are you looking to room together?"

I smirked, "Another five to Hufflepuff."

He rolled his eyes, "You're setting the bar a bit low, aren't you?"

"I'm going to ignore the wide open door you gave me there." At his questioning look, I clarified, "It's Hufflepuff; the bar started low as it is."

I ignored his mock outrage as I strolled back to the Goblin. Thankfully, the line was nonexistent for the moment; I didn't feel like waiting again. "Senior Teller, I will require the meeting with my account manager at his leisure."

The Goblin made another mark in his book "4 this afternoon, Pond."

I nodded again. "Understood. May your customers and your victories be decisive."

"So, what happened with you?" Matthew asked as we exited Gringotts. "You just didn't come back to Hogwarts after Fourth Year. The rumor mill went crazy for at least two months, but then someone owled their parents and we found out that you were being schooled at home."

"That's pretty much what happened." I replied. "I didn't come back for Fifth Year after I determined that I wouldn't be able to pass my Potions or Transfiguration OWLs. It was a waste of time to go back and fail two of my core classes, so my family paid for tutors instead. I ended up with OWLs in Herbology and Magical Creatures, and NEWTs in Charms, Defense, and Arithmancy. I also have an OWL in Runes theory, but my handwriting prevents me from being able to actually practice them."

"What happened with Transfiguration? I know you weren't a fan of the animal parts in Potions... But Transfiguration? Was it due to your wand?"

I glanced down at my wand holster. "Cedar and Phoenix, 12.5, solid." I muttered to myself. "The wand doesn't dislike Transfiguration itself. I'm incapable of picturing or holding an image in my head."

Matthew gaped at me as we sat down in the Leaky Cauldron. "Blimey. You can't picture anything at all? How do you function?"

I shrugged "Practice, I guess. People function while being actually blind all the time."

He nodded. "I hadn't thought of that."

I yawned, "So, roommates?"

He nodded again. "Sure. I've needed one for a while, and we got along at Hogwarts."

"Good. What NEWTS did you end up getting?"

"Herbology, COMC, Potions, Transfiguration. OWLs in Charms, DADA, and Runes."

"Did you end up getting a new wand? I know you struggled with the old one a bit."

"Yeah. Maple and Dragon heartstring, 13", slightly springy. It made Transfiguration way easier."

The bartender walked by with an enormous plate of potato wedges, causing both of us to stop our conversation and stare at it.

"We'll take one of those." I said to him as he walked by. He nodded in response and continued towards the group a few booths away from us.

The small talk continued through our carb-heavy late lunch. Matthew was thinking about obtaining a Mastery in Herbology. I was working on one in Arithmancy. Neither of us were too concerned about the random attack that happened last weekend that the Daily Prophet was still carrying on about. It was nine or ten days ago, and there hadn't been a repeat occurrence yet. By the time I looked at the grandfather clock in the Leaky Cauldron, it was nearing 3:45. I was not going to be late for an appointment at Gringotts, so I bid Matthew farewell and made my way once more into the bank.

The Goblins must have changed shift, as the one currently occupying the desk I used earlier looked a bit more surly.

"State your business, Human."

"Appointment with Toothripper at 4 PM, Goblin."

He sneered at my disrespect, "You're early, Human."

"Early is on time, Goblin."

He gestured towards a younger Goblin standing at attention. "Bloodfang, bring this human to Toothripper."

I nodded to the younger Goblin "Greetings, Bloodfang. I will follow your lead."

Bloodfang turned on his heel and marched towards a door at the back of the bank. I followed him through the door, down a hallway, and to a moderately sized room that I had become familiar with over the years.

"Thank you, Bloodfang." I intoned as the Goblin rapped on the door.

"Enter," The call came from within the room.

"Greetings, Account Overseer Toothripper."

"Greetings Mister Pond."

"May your enemies become intimately familiar with Dragons."

Toothripper barked a laugh, "May the secrets of numerology fall at your feet."

I noticed that Bloodfang was still at the door, and seemed greatly surprised at my treatment of my account manager. "The Senior Teller would have been treated with respect as well, had he not been such a fucking prick."

Toothripper glanced at Bloodfang before returning his gaze to me. "Harsh as always, Mister Pond."

"Respect, like time, is always earned."

"Indeed."

"I can't even call him by name, as Gringotts stopped putting nameplates at the tellers' desks."

"Some wizards seemed to think that knowing our names was equivalent to owning us."

I shook my head, "You can't fix stupid."

"An axe would argue differently."

"Only a fool argues with an axe in the hands of a Goblin." I muttered.

"Indeed." He paused for a moment, "What can Gringotts assist you with today, Mister Pond?"

"I am entering into the roommate contract with Matthew Wells. I met with him today to confirm."

"Has he spoken with his account manager?"

"To my knowledge, he will return tomorrow. I don't believe he has made an appointment."

"Your fellow wizards have difficulty understanding the importance of time."

"My fellow wizards have difficulty understanding anything that isn't hand-fed to them."

He barked another laugh. "Indeed. I have the papers here. Read them and sign as required."

The signing was fairly straightforward. It covered payment, handling of belongings, penalties, and the like. I handed over the papers after I'd finished with them.

"Does that conclude your business with Gringotts today?"

"It does. Thank you for your time, Account Overseer. May your enemies waste away."

"May your vault be filled with gold."

* * *

That's all for now! See you all next week!


	2. Tickling a Dragon

AN: Hey guys! Chapter two is ahead. Some more back-ground here (as my chiropractor said upon finding a handful of dirt between my shoulder blades). Enjoy!

* * *

"I hate the Knight Bus..." I muttered to myself as it backfired into the distance. I had my entire life's belongings shrunk and packed into a large suitcase, which I then charmed feather-light. I would have shrunk the suitcase, but double-charming is generally frowned upon, unless you have no choice in the matter. Always mix and match your charms when possible. No, I don't specifically know why it's a bad idea, but when Flitwick makes a point of saying it, I make a point of following it.

The brick apartment in front of me was a bit bland, honestly, but it looked sturdy and large enough for two, so I wasn't going to complain. I yawned as I knocked on the door.

"Daniel!" Matt was far too chipper for... well, anytime, really.

"Morning, Matthew."

He stepped backwards to allow me entry and waved past the living room towards a hallway. "Your room is down the hallway to the right. Bathroom is on the left."

"Wonderful." I bit back another yawn as I walked towards the hallway. Matthew was droning on about the apartment as I floated the suitcase to the floor, popped it open, and started unpacking things. The bed frame came out first, which was quickly enlarged and stuck into the far corner of the room. The box spring came out next, followed by the mattress. With the bed situated, the desk popped out next. The dresser followed that, and then I tossed a few posters up around the room, including one on the ceiling that chastised you for looking at it.

Room completed, I shrunk the (now empty) suitcase and lofted it into the top drawer of the dresser. I paused to double-check everything, and then turned around to head into the kitchen for a drink of water.

Except Matthew was still standing there, mouth hanging open. "You all right there?"

He blinked, twice. "That was insane!"

I shrugged, "That was Charmswork. Haven't you seen people do that before?"

He shook his head, "Not as condensed as that. I never really got the hang of Charms. I always preferred Transfiguration."

I shook my head as I walked into the kitchen. "Transfiguration is a power hog. I can't say I'm a fan of it."

"After Ollivander gave me a new wand, I didn't have difficulty Transfiguring things."

I nodded, "A well-suited wand can make an absurd amount of difference."

He scratched the back of his head. "Anyways, when are you planning on getting a desk chair?"

I quirked an eyebrow. "The chair is in the bedroom."

"Oh. Is it still shrunk?"

"Yeah. It's in the drawer of my... desk- OH SHIT." I snapped my wand into my hand as I dodged around Matthew and sprinted back down the hallway. My bedroom doorknob definitely put a hole into the wall from me opening it so hard. A very small part of me flinched at the impact, but the rest of me was screaming that all of my Arithmancy notes were in the drawer with the desk chair that I'd DOUBLE SHRUNK LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT.

Said drawer was banished out of the desk. I shielded myself while firing a (probably overpowered) finite at the chair.

It innocently popped back to its regular size and just sat in the center of the room, mocking me.

"Did you blow up the universe?" Matt called from the kitchen.

I banished the drawer back into the desk, and then repaired the wall. "Not yet, thankfully."

"That's good. Professor Flitwick spent most of our fifth year telling us horror stories about double-charming items."

"I'm fairly certain that the odds of it backfiring are pretty slim." I replied as I plopped down onto the couch.

"It's still terrifying, which is all the more reason to use Transfiguration instead." Matthew countered as he walked towards the other side of the couch with a teapot in hand.

"Transfiguration is the epitome of inefficiency. It's forcing your magic to make something happen. Charms is far more comfortable, and can be adjusted easily based upon your needs."

Matthew smirked, pointed his wand at the teapot, and said, "Can your Charms do this?" And then he turned the teapot into a dragon. Now, before you freak out, I should mention that it was an incredibly small dragon.

And before you un-freak out, I should note that he didn't take relative temperature into consideration. When transfiguring an item, the item will automatically maintain any heat it had in its initial form. You can, of course, alter the temperature as long as you're thinking about it at the time, but Matthew clearly wasn't.

So he transfigured an incredibly hot teapot full of near-boiling water, into an incredibly hot dragon. The dragon, as an animal capable of generating fire, could handle the incredibly warm temperatures. However, it would still be very uncomfortable.

What does a dragon do when it's way too warm? Well, it goes straight up into the air and then seeks to get rid of that extra heat. By breathing fire.

Now obviously, this isn't what went through my head at the moment. Instead, it sounded something like this:

"FUCK." I yelled as I threw up a shield and dove off the couch. "UNDO IT!" I yelled at Matthew, who had overturned the wooden coffee table and was crouched behind it.

"I don't know how!" He yelled back.

"Seriously!? It's a second-year spell!"

"Then you do it!" He countered as he deflected a jet of flames with a couch pillow.

"It takes way more effort for someone else to do it! My magic won't sync up with yours as easily as yours will!"

"I don't know the spell!" He yelled back as the dragon melted a hole in the ceiling.

"It's reparifarge!" I yelled back. Unfortunately, my voice was no match for the combined noise of the dragon and the smoke alarm, which chose that exact moment to tell us what we already knew.

In spite of the chaos, Matthew looked me in the eye and said, "What in the hell did you just say?"

I huffed as I stood up. The room was still utter chaos, but my shield had taken two direct hits from the magical fire, so I knew it would hold easily. "Fucking hell." I muttered as I dropped into a wide stance and waited for the dragon to come back around.

Thankfully, I didn't have to wait long. I was tired from all of the Charmswork earlier, and with being banged around on the damn Knight Bus. I knew Matthew had more power than I did, so I knew this one was going to hurt a bit. The dragon was headed straight for me, so the angle would be easy. I stoked my remaining magic and yelled "REPARIFARGE!"

It was a direct hit, thank Merlin. The dragon snapped back into a teapot not fifteen feet from me. I let out a deep breath.

And then I took a teapot to the chest. I would have gotten the wind knocked out of me, had I had any left to lose. I point-blank stopped the teapot's momentum, and then watched about half of the water overflow directly onto me.

Thankfully, the dragon had managed to lower its heat enough that the water was just warm, rather than scalding hot.

As a result of all this, I ended up falling backwards onto the couch. "If you ever do that again..." I paused to catch my breath, "I'll enlarge the damn thing and let it eat you."

I heard Matthew nervously chuckle off to my left. "I'm not sure whether or not to believe you."

I shot him a look that removed all doubt. His nervous chuckle was cut short as he quickly started putting out the small fires and repairing the walls, ceiling, and furniture. I snapped off a silencing charm at the smoke alarm and then closed my eyes. I felt Matthew use a wind charm towards the now open window. The window then snapped shut again.

"Daniel?"

"Yes?" I kept my eyes closed.

"You can let go of the teapot now."

I opened my eyes to see the teapot still floating there. "Oh." I cut the spell, letting the teapot fall into Matthew's waiting hands. I took another deep breath, and swung myself into a sitting position. I felt the nearly overwhelming blanket of magical exhaustion fall over me. "I'm going to go take a nap."

"All right. Do you want me to wake you up later?"

I waved him off. "No need. I don't have any plans." I walked into my room, pushed the stupid chair to my desk, and then went to close the door.

"Mother fucker!" I stared at the door with disdain, noting that the doorknob was stuck in the mostly-repaired wall. I had clearly forgotten to pull the door out of the wall prior to repairing the hole.

"Are you okay?" Matthew yelled from the kitchen.

"Yes." I clenched my jaw as I physically yanked the door out of the wall."Reparo." I muttered, this time fully repairing the damn wall. I closed the door gently, turned the ceiling fan on high, and then collapsed onto the bed.

Just a short nap.


	3. On Loan From Hell

AN: It's my birthday on Monday. I'm turning 28. So I got this chapter out of the way. It's not my favorite, but it's acceptable, and this is more about getting stuff out regularly than perfecting it.

Anyways, enjoy chapter threeeeee.

* * *

When I finally came out of my exhaustion-induced slumber, it didn't turn out to be a short nap. In fact, I'm fairly certain that hunger was the only thing that prevented me from sleeping halfway through the night. As I groggily sat up, my nose informed me that there was some sort of acceptable food on the other side of the bedroom door somewhere. My stomach added a sense of urgency to the demand, but my bladder played a trump card.

Food was my next priority, though, so I let my nose lead me into the living room. I fully expected to have to go out and get my own food, as I hadn't brought any with me, and hadn't anticipated sleeping until early evening.

"Hey, Daniel. Feeling better?" Matthew was eating casually on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table.

I grunted. "Somewhat. Sore. Hungry."

He chuckled, "Mother insisted on sending us about five pounds of cooked pasta to celebrate me having a roommate. It's got chicken and onions in it. I told her she didn't have to worry about it, but she wouldn't have it. And of course, she cooked enough for the Auror department."

"Oh thank fuck." I muttered in response as I tried not to rip the door off of the refrigerator. I saw the truly enormous pot on the bottom shelf, summoned a large bowl, and then promptly filled it. As I made my way to the couch, I absentmindedly summoned a fork from the kitchen.

"Eating it cold?"

"Don't care. Hungry."

Matthew snorted. "Magical exhaustion?"

"Yeah. Someone forgot to transfigure inanimate to animate correctly." Matthew coughed loudly. "You all right there?"

Matthew muttered something that sounded a bit like "Bugger off."

I waved him off, "You ended up proving my point."

"How so?"

I raised an eyebrow. "You nearly burned down the damn house."

"The dragon would not have burnt the house down." He countered, "It was far too small for that."

I rolled my eyes "It wasn't for lack of trying."

Matthew didn't immediately have a response, and I was far more concerned with the food in front of me to press the issue further. For the first time since I'd arrived that morning, I was able to look around the room. It was fairly standard, with the one large couch, two small recliners with small tables next to them, and a large lamp magically stuck to the far wall. The coffee table was fully repaired from being used as a literal fire shield earlier in the day. The memory made me actually snort, which Matthew ignored.

"How's the mastery in Arithmancy going?"

I shrugged. "It's slow work. I have a premise to work with, but being able to actually manage it will be difficult as hell, not to mention dangerous."

"Dangerous?" Matthew looked incredulous for a moment, "Wait, are you spell-crafting?"

I shook my head, "Not quite. I'm more doing a comparison between similar spells and magical creatures that produce a similar effect."

His brow furrowed, "The only thing I can think of is invisibility, but that wouldn't be dangerous, would it?"

"I don't think so." I cleared my throat. I hadn't planned on sharing this with anyone until I'd completed it. "I'm working on magical fire."

Matthew's eyes widened. "Dragons!" Then, he started laughing.

"Shut up."

His laughter continued, "Was today an experiment, then?"

"Fuck off." His only response was a decidedly unrepentant snort. "In fact, you can fuck all the way off."

"Is there even another alternative? Can you fuck half off?"

"Probably. People are indecisive, you know."

He laughed again, then coughed, and proceeded to laugh harder. He finally stood up, and walked into the kitchen, still laughing and holding his ribs. "I wasn't ready for that." He said between chuckles.

"It really wasn't that funny." I pointed out.

He shook his head, "Your delivery made it unexpected." He downed a glass of water, and then took a breath to calm himself down again. "Anyways, what specifically are you comparing? Dragon fire would be an obvious one, but I don't think there's anything special about the Incendio charm... There are other types of magical fire, but I don't think that have anything mastery-worthy to study." He paused for a moment, "Phoenix fire is worth a study, but that requires a Phoenix." He looked at me expectantly.

"If I had a Phoenix, I wouldn't have taken the damn Knight Bus."

"Fair point." He acknowledged. "Different types of Dragons then?"

I shook my head. "Nope. All Dragon-fire is of the same type of magic, at least of the breeds that have been studied. I don't know enough about them to go studying new breeds, though."

"A bit too dangerous, that." Matthew agreed.

"Very much so." At his questioning look, I continued. "You're missing an obvious answer here."

"Obvious?" Matthew's eyes widened. "Fiendfyre?! Are you insane?"

"Not at all. I'm talented." I dryly responded.

"But Fiendfyre is Dark Magic! Not the Ministry, hand-slappy dark magic, but literal soul-damaging Dark Magic!"

"That's incorrect, actually."

He sputtered. "What?"

"Fiendfyre is actually 'Ministry, hand-slappy Dark Magic,' as you so eloquently described. I've studied it, in both what it creates and what its Arithmantic formula is. Dark Magic has similarities in its formula, in that the formulas strictly speaking are missing something. They require an additional sacrifice to work properly. Most Transfiguration is like this, actually, with the sacrifice being the original material. That's why conjuration is so much more difficult. It's also why people who do conjure items, vanish them as soon as possible. It's an old superstition. People are afraid of leaving bits and pieces of themselves around."

"Is that how it actually works?"

"Unlikely, but people aren't honestly sure."

"Wait. What about Charmed conjurations, like the bluebell flame?"

I laughed, "That's where things get really weird. The Arithmancy for those all check out without any additions."

"But you can't just pop things into existence without Conjuring. That doesn't make any sense."

"Correct. The theory here is that there is another dimension that we call the items from. Likewise, banishing an item will put it back into that dimension. This is opposed to Vanishing, for properly Conjured items, where there's again a loose end in the numbers, this time opposite to the Conjuring formula."

"So the people who go around Vanishing everything they Conjure might have a point."

"Potentially. I prefer Charms anyways, so it matters little to me."

"How does this apply to Fiendfyre?"

"Fiendfyre, in the Transfiguration and Charms debate, is effectively a Charm, so-"

"Fiendfyre, the seemingly living fire that eats everything, comes from another dimension." Matthew deadpanned.

"That's the theory behind it, yes."

"Right." He stood up from the couch. "That's terrifying."

"I try not to think about it too hard." I added as an afterthought.

"I can picture it now. You're at the dinner table with your family." He continued in a higher pitch, "'What did you learn in Arithamncy today, sweetie?'" Matthew snapped back to a deeper, deadpan voice. "'Fiendfyre is actually on loan from Hell.'"

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing.

Matthew gave me a sideways glance. "You're laughing because I'm not wrong. You're laughing because leaders in your field agree with me. It's not funny, Daniel. It's terrifying."

I only laughed harder.

"I like Herbology. It's not terrifying like Arithmancy, or Charms." He paused, "Or Transfiguration, for that matter. It's just plants and sunlight and-"

"Devil's Snare." I finished for him.

"What?"

"Devil's Snare. It hates sunlight and chokes you until you stop moving. More accurately, it squeezes until it thinks you're dead."

"We don't talk about Devil's Snare." Matthew muttered.

"Exactly. Charms Masters don't talk about the fact that most terrible curses are just Charms with no redeeming uses."

"The Unforgivables?"

"Nope. Those are actual Dark Magic. Amusingly enough, so is a lot of healing. There's a reason that most healers have Unicorn Hair wands. The Unicorn Hair provides the extra energy required, and when it's all used up, the wand dies."

"I thought Unicorn Hair was just fickle."

"Most people do. The Wandmakers know better, but you're not going to explain advanced Arithmancy to a child, so the knowledge isn't generally passed on to the public."

"We're off-topic again. Do you cast Fiendfyre?"

"I do indeed."

"I thought it was a huge power drain."

"It's not." I corrected him. "It requires force of will, but not exceptional magical power."

"Hold on. The Patronus Charm. Isn't it-"

"It's technically a Conjuration." Matthew closed his jaw with a click. "They call it a Charm because they're stupid." He scoffed at me. "It's not actually a Charm. You're not displacing something; you're creating a semi-physical representation of positive emotions to act as a barrier. It's Transfiguration."

"That makes no sense."

"It's from the Ministry. People who don't know what they're doing are given power over how to package information. It doesn't affect you as much because plants aren't political, but spells are. Obliviation is terrifying, but it's qualified as a Charm. It's technically Dark Magic. You are stealing something from your victim that they cannot retrieve. But the Ministry has to use it, so it's classified as harmless."

Matthew shook his head. "Enough of this. Back to Herbology." I snorted. "There's a common rumor that Fiendfyre makes the best fertilizer..."

I shrugged. "I have no idea about that."

His eyes lit up. "Can we go find out?"

"Now?"

"Only if you're feeling up to it." He hedged.

I sighed. "I did eat about a pound of your mum's pasta. Let's go."

He whooped loudly, which I ignored in favor of summoning my shoes. "Do you have a place in mind? It should probably be mostly plant matter. I doubt that melted metal will be what you need."

"There's a huge compost pile I dump stuff into."

"No one else will miss it?"

"It's periodically burned anyways." He responded with a shrug. I got the feeling that he wouldn't care too much either way.

I stuck out my arm. "Ready when you are." He'd barely laid a finger on me before we were popped out of the apartment.

I sneezed as soon as we arrived. "That smell is terrible."

"You get used to it."

"I'd rather not, if it's all the same to you." I replied from within a Bubblehead Charm.

He snorted, and then glanced at my spell. "Is that a Charm?"

"It's a Conjuration. Semi-permeable membrane to allow oxygen, nitrogen, and hydrogen through. It also vanishes carbon dioxide."

"How?"

"No idea."

He shook his head, and then gestured to an enormous pile of rotting vegetation. "Here it is!"

"Do you want me to do all of it?"

"Can you?"

I gave the pile a look over. "Yeah."

"Is it safe?"

I rolled my eyes. "Now you ask?"

He winced. "I was excited."

"Yes. It's safe. Get behind me." He quickly did so, standing about twenty feet away from me.

I took a deep breath, centered my magic, and let the flames out to play. Light engulfed the area for a split second before it dulled to a bright glow. The super-heated waves of fire swept over the entire pile, with the turtle making an appearance repeatedly, seeming to swim through the waves or glide just over them. I felt the strain on my magic as the compost quickly diminished, but I let the fire dwindle down with its fuel source. Eventually, we were left with a much smaller turtle, and about a cubic meter of compost. The turtle lept high into the air before disappearing into the last of the fire, which then disappeared entirely. I took another deep breath.

"Holy buggering fuck! That was insane! You took out a hundred cubic meters in thirty seconds!"

"It's Fiendfyre."

I turned to look at Matthew. He had a bag in his hands, and he was summoning the remains into it quickly. "I thought Fiendfyre was supposed to take on the form of a mythical creature?"

"It is. Mine is a turtle. I have no idea why."

"That little jump at the end was ridiculous."

"Yeah. He's a character."

"He?"

"The turtle."

"You didn't tell it to do that?"

"No. He's a cheeky little bugger."

Matthew blinked. "Have you named him yet?"

"What?"

"The turtle. He's clearly your pet. You should name him."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "If the Charms theory is correct, then that turtle is a real thing that lives somewhere. You use him every now and again, but he exists outside of this plane, too."

"So I should name him?"

"I think you should."

"You're just feeling charitable at the moment because of the fertilizer." I pointed out.

"Probably, but I need to run tests on it. I'll see you back at the house." He popped away before I could stop him.

"Fuck." I muttered to myself. I had no idea where I was currently located, and had nothing but the bright light of the summer moon to give me any ideas. Looks like I was going to have to use line-of-sight Apparation until I got to a road, and then call the Knight Bus. Again.

"Fuck."

* * *

"Hey, Daniel. Did you stop at the store?" Matthew didn't know that he was about to die.

"I'm going to murder you." I calmly replied.

"Why?" He still hadn't looked up from his work.

"Because you made me take the Knight Bus, Matthew."

"Huh?" came his eloquent response. "I thought you could Apparate."

"I can't picture things in my head, Matthew. I can only Apparate with line-of-sight."

"Could you stop saying my name like you're going to kill me? After what you did to that compost, it's unnerving." He saw the look on my face, and began to backpedal. "I'm sorry about the Knight Bus thing, but you didn't warn me beforehand. I didn't know that you couldn't just pop back here."

"Stop being logical and let me throttle you." I muttered.

He learned back over his desk. "Just as soon as I finish this analysis..."

I huffed at him, before plopping down into a chair. "What are you testing for?"

"Just about everything. All of the standard fertilizer components, magical residue, all of it."

"What's the magical residue read?"

"Not Dark Magic at all, which is alarming. It's pretty much a neutral reading, like you'd get from a Niffler or something. It's very nutrient-dense, and with the high level of magical residue, it might all snap to if I tell it to."

"In layman's terms?"

He stood up straight again, stretching his neck as he did so. "There are spells that encourage neutral magic to become growth-based, to encourage the plant to grow. The spells can use the magic of the caster, but obviously it's much more efficient if you can take neutral magic and convince it to help you out instead."

"How willing is that magic?"

He shrugged, "I'm about to find out." He pointed his wand at a sample of the dirt, muttered something under his breath, and then flicked it wand upwards, and then downwards to its original point. The dirt practically glowed bright green.

I heard Matthew gulp. "The magic is very, very willing."

"Good." I said as I got up again. "I'm going to get some work done tonight. I still have plenty of spells to break down and build back up.

"Good luck." Matthew said absentmindedly as he continued jabbing at the dirt.


	4. The Guild

AN: Chapter four. Enjoy!

* * *

I ended up heading to bed soon after retiring to my room. I manually unpacked and reorganized all of my notes, which included sticking a few on the wall for easy access. I had fully intended on doing some more breaking down of the formulas, as well as working on constructing a spell or two. Although my main project was not specifically spell-crafting, I did dabble in it a bit. The common joke about Arithmancers is that we all think we can figure out the universe given a week's time. It's a fair comment to make, albeit a backhanded one.

I was currently stuck on a spell that would work as a half Apparation of sorts. The caster would "blink" out of existence for a moment, before popping back in the exact same location. It's specifically designed as a Charm, so it wouldn't be stopped by any wards. Well, that's the theory at least. It's complex as all hell, and it's not something I'm willing to guess at, since any mistakes I make will be inevitably taken out on my body if I ever choose to test the spell.

I started at the parchment for a good fifteen minutes, thinking about possibilities and risks. My eyes started crossing soon after, and I'm not one to ignore the call of a bed unless I'm actually making progress, so I once again threw myself onto my bed, and entered the land of Morpheus.

* * *

"Daniel!" Matthew's knocking on my door woke me up.

My response was a noise somewhere between a grunt, a groan, and an agitated "What?"

"I'm leaving for the day. I'm collecting some plant samples for the backyard."

"All right!" I called back out as I stood up. "I need to do some shopping anyways."

"Do you-" Matthew paused as I opened the door. He continued at a softer tone. "Do you need a lift?"

He was considerate, if nothing else. "Nah. I have a workaround for the main places I go to."

"What's that?"

I summoned a photo album from the top drawer of my dresser. "I have pictures of the main places I go to regularly. Which reminds me..." I summoned my camera. "I need to take a picture of the front of the house."

"Do you carry the album around with you?" He'd taken it, and was leafing through the dozen or so photos I'd kept thus far.

"Nope. I just keep a few in my wallet. If I need to go somewhere in particular, and I don't have it in my wallet, then I just pop back here first."

"What happens if the place changes?" He asked as he handed back the album.

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter. If you think about the trees around your childhood home, and you picture them in Springtime, but it's Fall or Winter, do you have any difficulty Apparating there?"

"I don't think so..."

I walked past him into the living room, and headed for the front door. "What if you haven't been somewhere in a few years? It's inevitably changed, hasn't it?"

"I hadn't thought of it that way." He mused as he followed me outside.

"Most people don't. You want to go somewhere, and so you do. It's only when something gets in the way of that happening..." I paused. I'd phrased that wrong. "When something interrupts that process... That's when you have to think about it. Until then, you're just going to keep on doing what you're doing. There's no reason to think about the stuff that works perfectly well."

"The blotchy quill gets the sharpening."

I snickered. "The Muggles say 'The squeaky wheel gets the grease,' but that works too." Conversation stopped for a moment as I leveled the camera at the front of the building. The shutter clicked, and a photo slowly emerged from the device. I looked at it for a moment. "That will do."

"I didn't know you were familiar with Muggle phrases."

"Dad's a Muggleborn, and I had a lot of spare time after I stopped going to Hogwarts." I explained.

"Hmmmm." Matthew looked me over for a moment. "Do Muggles usually go outside in just their pants?"

"FUCK." My exclamation only brought more attention to us. I sprinted into the house, with Matthew laughing behind me. I made my way to my bedroom, and summoned proper clothing from the dresser. He was still chuckling by the time he made it to the bedroom door. "You could have said something, you know."

"I didn't realize it until we were outside, and by then, you were busy taking a picture and talking about Muggle phrases."

I rolled my eyes. "A likely story."

"You'll be good going to the store and back then?" He steered us back onto the initial topic.

"Yeah." I absentmindedly responded as I put the photo into my wallet. "I'm going to be heading out now actually." I grabbed my album, flipped to the photo of the grocery store, focused on it, and then popped away, leaving my album to land on my bed.

* * *

"Hey Daniel!" Matthew said as he opened the front door. "Whoa, that smells good. I didn't know you could cook."

"This isn't really cooking." I replied. "I'm making Hamburger Helper."

"Hamburger what now?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's a Muggle thing. It started a few years ago in the States. It's pasta, and seasoning in a packet, so all you have to do is cook some Hamburger meat and add it to the cooked pasta."

"That's way easier than cooking an actual meal."

"Exactly." I agreed. "I made enough for both of us."

"Awesome! I need to clean up a bit."

I looked at his dirty hands, and arms, and legs, and face. "Did you swim in it?"

"Shut up." He retorted as he made his way to his bathroom.

The food was done a few minutes later, and Matthew was either a fan or quick shower, or just hungry, because he was out less than five minutes after he'd started. I was seated on the large couch with a bowl of it in my hands. "There's plenty in the kitchen."

He didn't even bother with a verbal reply as he filled a bowl and sat down. "Did you Apparate to the US to get this?"

I nearly snorted my food out my nose. My coughing fit only served to delay my response further. "I can't Apparate across the ocean, Matthew."

"Do they sell it here, then?"

"Not yet."

"How did you get it?"

"One of my uncles lives in the States. I visited him a few months ago. We had it nearly every day, and before I left, I brought several hundred boxes."

Matthew's coughing fit was, if anything, worse than my own. "Several hundred?!" he managed to choke out.

"Yes. It's good, and easy to make."

"How many hundreds?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Six or seven."

"Six or seven hundred?!"

"Yes, Matthew."

"Where do you put them all?!"

"In my other suitcase."

"In the other suitcase? The one you put in the closet?"

"Yes."

"You must have shrunk them all down." He reasoned.

"Five points to Hufflepuff." I responded dryly.

I'd clearly broken him, as he spent the next minute or so muttering about my Hamburger Helper collection. He was still eating it, though, so he'd at least retained his survival instincts.

"Do the Muggles have any other food that's easy to make like this?"

"There's a decent amount of it. We tried a new version called Tuna Helper, but I don't care for fish all that much. They actually have frozen pizzas, too. Toss them in the oven for about 20 minutes and they're done."

"What's pizza?"

I blinked. "I'll bring some home later. I forgot that wizards don't eat pizza."

"Why do they call it Hamburger Helper?" He changed the subject again.

"Probably because the box provides help in preparing dinner for you, and all you have to do is add Hamburger."

He nodded, "That makes sense."

"Did you find anything useful today?"

He shrugged, "Not really. I mainly finished getting the fertilizer from last night analyzed. The other guys in the Guild were about ready to attack me for it. It really is the best fertilizer we've seen so far."

He caught the look I was giving him, "What?"

"The Guild? The Herbology Masters' Guild?" He coughed and looked away. "You're a Master already! How the fuck did you do that?"

He scratched the back of his neck. "I had a project I started back in Fifth Year. By the time I graduated, it was nearly finished. Professor Sprout helped me find sources for the stuff I needed, so I just had to work through it. The information part was easy, since the Hogwarts Library has just about everything."

"You have to be the youngest Master ever..."

He shook his head, "There was a Transfiguration Master at 18 a hundred years or so ago."

I rolled my eyes. "Right. Second youngest master ever. Apologies for the mistake."

He chuckled at my heavy sarcasm. "It wasn't too difficult." He ignored my snort of disbelief. "The Guild was dismissive at first, but they couldn't dispute my work, so they all got excited about it instead."

"I'd ask what you did, but my Herbology knowledge was limited several years ago, and it's only gotten worse since then."

He nodded. "I wouldn't want to bore you anyway."

"You wouldn't bore me." I corrected him. "Well, you would bore me, but not because it's boring. I just wouldn't understand any of it."

He nodded again. "You might end up with a Mastery in Herbology if the fertilizer works out."

"No no no. I don't want anything to do with that. People would be running around using Fiendfyre 'for the good of their plants' all the time, and while I'm normally a fan of watching stupid people doing stupid things, Fiendfyre isn't selective about who it eats. You can take credit for that, and keep your methods under wraps."

He chuckled, "I won't ever use Fiendfyre, so I wouldn't be able to recreate it."

"I don't blame you. It's not the smartest decision I ever made."

"It worked out, though." Matthew pointed out. "Did you get any work done on your Arithmancy?"

"A little bit. I still don't know how to test out my theories on fire. I'm also working on a spell that would put your body out of phase for a few seconds. It would give an alternative to dodging the Unforgivables."

Matthew blinked at me, "How in the hell are you going to test that?"

I put down my empty bowl and picked up a glass of water. "That's the main sticking point."

"So Fiendfyre by yourself is fine, but you draw the line at making yourself temporarily wink out of existence?"

"Is that not a reasonable line to draw?"

Matthew shook his head. "You can't put the words 'reasonable' and 'Fiendfyre' in the same sentence without a negative somewhere."

"Why not?" I countered with a smirk. "The Herbologist Masters Guild could have a law exemption for the Reasonable Use of Fiendfyre for Fertilizer."

"RUFF would be a good thing to call it, if they approved it."

"Why's that?"

"Because they'd have to be barking mad."

The water that once had occupied my mouth managed to escape it, through both the way it came, and through my nostrils. My coughing was drowned out by Matthew's laughter. "Fuck you." I choked out.

He shrugged "You left the door open, and then chastised me for walking through it."

I opened my mouth to retort, but quickly came to the conclusion that Matthew was correct. With an absence of an effective counter-argument, I fell back on an old favorite. "Fuck you."

He was unrepentant, the bastard.

* * *

AN: Yes, Hamburger Helper is that old. It started in the 70s.


	5. Ele-mental

AN: Another week, another chapter. This one gets a little darker. Enjoy!

* * *

"Matthew, where's the milk?!" I hollered through the hallway.

He poked his head out of his bedroom. "Did you check the fridge?"

I very nearly banished something at him, but managed to hold myself back. "No. I hadn't considered the rare possibility that the milk somehow managed to meander its way into the refrigerator, of all places. Let me go check." Committed to the ploy at this point, I spun around and opened the refrigerator. "Huh, that's odd."

"What's odd?" Matthew could be relied to set himself up, at least.

"There's no fucking milk in the refrigerator, Matthew." I said as he walked into the kitchen. "It's almost like I checked it before asking you."

He opened his mouth, then shut it. "I don't recall using the last of it."

"Was there any left after your monstrous bowl of cereal this morning?"

The light-bulb went off in his head. "Nope. I finished it then. Sorry."

I snapped a stasis charm on the food. "It's like watching a sunrise."

"What?" The clueless face was back as I walked by him to my album.

"When a light-bulb goes off in your head, it's like watching a sunrise." I muttered as I flipped through it, looking for the grocery store.

"How?"

"Because it's a sight to behold, and takes about half a fucking hour."

"That's-" My pop of apparation cut off his reply.

The trip to the store only took a few minutes. Thankfully, most people were having dinner at 7:30 on a Tuesday, so I could shop for mine in peace. Once out of the store, I walked towards a secluded corner, opened my wallet to the picture of the house, and then popped there.

Matthew was sitting on the couch reading when I walked in. "It's not fair when you do that."

"Do what?" I inquired as I snapped the food off of stasis to add milk and the powdered cheese.

"You make a smart comment, and then apparate before I can retort."

I raised an eyebrow as I magically shredded the sharp cheddar block. "I wasn't aware that there were rules of engagement for verbal sparring, other than taking things too far to be acceptable, given whatever social situation you're in."

"Leaving immediately after making a comment doesn't allow a continuation of the sparring without losing the pacing, which qualifies at the very least as poor sportsmanship."

"Hmm." I acknowledged while stirring my magnificent bowl of macaroni and cheese. "Fair point. I'll endeavor to not do that any longer. What time limit should we put on the beginnings of a rebuttal?"

He made a thinking hum as well, "Five seconds?"

"That's a bit long for my tastes, but it's acceptable. Do you wish to continue the previous match?"

He shook his head. "The time has passed for that. I'll save it for later."

"Fair enough. Mac and cheese?"

He peered at the pot, "Is it good?"

I shrugged, "Basically pasta and cheese, with butter and milk to add depth."

"Do you live on various forms of pasta and cheese?"

"It's been nearly a month, Matthew. What do you think?"

"Five points to Hufflepuff?"

"Not a month later, no."

"Damn." He went back to his book.

"OY!"

He jumped, "What?"

"Do you want some or not?"

"Sure. Your cooking is good, if a bit one-note."

"Hey now. I've learned to cook all sorts of things to help enhance my pasta and cheese diet."

He sighed, "The worst part about that statement is that you're exactly correct."

I snorted, "I feel like that's the worst part about most of my statements." I handed him a bowl of food as I sat down. "What are you reading?"

"It's a book on different types of earth magic. It's actually heavily Arithmantic, but I'm making a bit of headway on it." He continued to answer my unspoken question. "I'm still trying to figure out what Fiendfyre does specifically that makes it produce exceptional fertilizer."

"I don't know much about fertilizer, but isn't it based on the amount of neutral magic that's left over?"

He tilted his head, "Partially, but the main advantage is that the magic is willing to help so quickly. I don't know that it's neutral magic, to be honest with you. Most magic that's speculated to be truly neutral is more effort to work with, which would lead me to believe that it's earth-based magic. But that doesn't make any sense because it's clearly fire, which if anything, is destructive in nature, not creative."

I shook my head, "I think you're focusing too much on the elemental portion of this."

"What's the alternative? We're dealing with earth magic."

"What if..." I paused, trying to find a way to phrase what I was thinking without sounding like an idiot. "What if the magic is just generally more willing to help? What if it's not earth magic specifically?"

"I don't think that's possible..." Matthew was deep in thought.

"Well, it should be easy to test." I reasoned. "Grab some of it, and try other types of elemental magic on it."

He nodded. "I can have a couple of the guys test that out tomorrow. Personally, I think it's insane, but if you're right, it could change everything. There's so much use in elemental-based magic." He laughed, "Enchanters would lose their minds."

I shrugged "You know quite a bit more about this than I do, so I'll let you handle the restructuring of the magical world, should it come to that."

* * *

It was roughly noon when I heard Matthew's apparition into the apartment. I leaned over in my desk chair and pulled the door open. "How did it go?"

He snorted, "It didn't work."

"Huh. That sucks." I figured I had a relatively low chance of actually being correct about the Fiendfyre magic, but I'd still been hoping for it.

"It only responded to earth magic." He continued.

"What do you mean, 'only?'"

He smirked a little. "Well, you'd think that fire-based magical remnants would respond well to fire spells..."

"Hold on." I stood up out of my chair. "It doesn't?"

"It actively resists it." He clarified.

"What the fuck?"

"It resists wind and water as well."

I blinked. "What does that even mean?"

He shrugged. "The Guild seems to think that I stumbled on an old book of family magic that contains a fertilizer-making fire spell."

I laughed, "But it's Fiendfyre!"

"Yeah. The fire on loan from hell is actually for rebirth."

I snorted. "Is it possible that Fiendfyre was originally made for that purpose?"

He gave me a sideways glance. "Fiendfyre eats everything."

I sputtered, "Sure, but it may have been bastardized to do that."

"You think Fiendfyre was originally a nice fire spell that only ate the things we didn't need?"

I shook my head, "I'm not an idiot, Matthew. Forest fires happen all the time, and they produce more fertile ground for the regrowth that happens after the fact. Fiendfyre could have been started as a way to help that along, before someone got ahold of it and changed it into something that's mainly only used for fear now."

Matthew shook his head, "That change would be impossibly drastic. Even a cutting charm and a severing charm are two different equations. You couldn't morph one into the other easily, and the only functional difference is an order of magnitude in power."

I held my hands up, "All right, all right. I'm not trying to argue with you. I simply can't think of anything else that makes sense."

Matthew shrugged, "I can't ask anything else about it at this point. Everyone wants to know what I'm doing to create the fertilizer. If I start asking about Fiendfyre, they'll figure it out, and then we could both be in trouble. Regardless of your views on the matter, Fiendfyre is classified as illegal by the British Ministry."

"It is?"

Matthew looked at me like I was an idiot. "It eats everything. Cast it in a house? No more house. In a forest? No more forest. On a body of water? It will just skate along the surface until it finds a house or a forest."

"That's not true. Regular water does douse Fiendfyre."

"Really?"

I nodded, "I tried it near a lake once. It produces an insane amount of steam, even compared to other types of magical fire, but it does not like water, and does not survive contact with it."

He took a deep breath, "That makes me feel a bit safer, actually. I guess that last bit is just a myth, then."

I nodded. "That would make sense. It's a spell that people are terrified of, and seems to be unstoppable. It's a logical conclusion to make, or at least to test out."

He nodded, but remained silent.

"You all right?"

"I'm nervous about what will happen if this gets out."

I shrugged. "Why would it matter? Aren't the Guilds given a bit of leeway over stuff like this?"

"That leeway won't come anywhere near covering Fiendfyre, Daniel. We could go to Azkaban for it. If I'm lucky, I would just have my mastery revoked."

"I didn't realize it was that bad..."

"You don't spend much time in the Wizarding World. There are whispers that the Knights of Walpurgis are on the rise again. Everyone is laughing about it in public, but people are also terrified. You'd be branded a Dark Lord immediately, Daniel."

I winced. "Wizards and their stupidity."

Daniel gave me a look, "I'm more inclined to be on the side of 'stupid, but also possessing self-preservation,' thanks."

I shrugged, "Suit yourself. I won't use it around you again. Let me know if you need more fertilizer."

Matthew shook his head, "Get off your high horse. I'm not judging you for it, Daniel. I'm just trying to see you live to 20 outside of Azkaban."

"Only 20?"

"One year at a time. You bring too much trouble to look at it any other way."

"Oh, fuck off."

Matthew laughed.


	6. BaT

So, I had a MCL strain and then I got sick. But, I'm going to try and catch up a bit here. I still need two more before next weekend, so we'll see how it goes. This chapter is a bit less funny, and a bit more terrifying, but you didn't think you could use Fiendfyre a bunch without shit hitting the fan, did you?

Anyways, as always, enjoy!

* * *

"Hey Daniel."

I looked up from my notes. Matthew was almost shuffling his feet in the doorway. "What did you do?"

His eyes snapped up to me, "What?"

I snickered, "You look like a firstie out after curfew."

He huffed at me, "I didn't do anything."

"All right..." I layered my tone with a touch of doubt, just to further tease him. "What's up then?"

"I need- Could you-"

I raised an eyebrow, "Can I finish your sentence? Unfortunately not. Spit it out."

He huffed again, but carried on without further comment, "Could you make another batch of fertilizer?"

"Ah." The awkwardness now made sense. "I can do that. I assume you still don't want to be around when I do?"

He shook his head, "Seeing it once was enough."

I shrugged. "Fair enough. You wanna pop me there and then come back for me and the fertilizer in a few minutes?"

He nodded, "That would be ideal."

"Awesome. I'm ready when you are."

He took two steps towards me as I stood up. I nodded as he grabbed my shoulder, and we popped away.

I sneezed a few seconds after we finished Apparating. "You know, it doesn't smell any better the second time around." I snarked.

He snorted, "It takes longer than that to get used to it."

"I hope to never find out." I muttered loudly enough for him to hear. He probably had a response ready, but I sneezed again. "Get out of here so I can start destroying this shit."

He followed my instructions, leaving me alone in the near pitch black darkness. It had been nearly a month and a half since the first burn, so although the weather was a bit warmer than last time, the new moon did not give any light output. I could still make out the big pile of compost I had to roast, and that's all that really mattered. One deep breath later, and my turtle friend was out to play.

It was at this point I realized that Matthew was right; I really do need to give him a name.

Names notwithstanding, the turtle dove through the waves of orange and red and quickly demolished the compost pile to fertilizer. As the pile reached nothingness, I had a momentary lapse of judgement and called out, "Should I give you a name?"

The turtle glanced at me sideways, gave a quick nod, and then jumped high before winking out of existence.

"Fucking hell." I didn't anticipate an acknowledgement of my question at all, so the nod left me somewhat reeling.

The polite applause behind me snapped me back to reality with all due haste. I spun around in a crouch and trained my wand on the intruder.

As my conversation with Matthew played in my head, I didn't exactly wait for the other person to start moving. I snapped off a stunner, two disarmers, an Incarcerous, and another disarmer right on the tail of the rope. Expelliarmus is a wonderful spell because it's somewhat transparent. In the non-existent lighting, my hope was that the very last cast wouldn't be caught by my opponent. I'm not the most powerful wizard by a long shot, but my wandwork is solid and I can silent cast exceptionally well.

The first three spells were eaten by their Protego. The ropes caused them to use a specific counter, which left them open to the last disarmer. Their wand flew behind them several dozen feet.

I kept my wand trained on them. "Don't go sneaking up on people. Merlin!" I kept my tone light so I could backtrack if needed, but my steady wand belied my feelings on the matter.

The response was soft and feminine, but carried easily, "We often sneak up on people, Mister Pond. It's in the job description."

That reply was almost definitely going to be bad for me. The "we" had me snapping off a revealing spell, which came back empty.

The person slowly reached up and took off their hood. Correction, her hood. "While your diligence is respectable, we have many ways of hiding."

"Well, fuck."

"You curse in front of a lady?" Her tone was light.

"I gather you're either a Hit Wizard or an Unspeakable. I'm sure you've heard far worse."

She smiled at my response as her wand gently returned to her hand. "Your logic is sound, Mister Pond."

"Not as sound as my wandwork needs to be to survive this." I muttered.

Her smile remained, "If we wanted you dead, Mister Pond, you would be."

"Going to Azkaban counts as 'dead,' in my eyes." I clarified.

She nodded once, "Again, I cannot fault your reasoning." She allowed a short pause, "We only seek to expand our knowledge. You can produce something no one has seen before, so we wish to study it."

"Forgive me if I'm a bit skeptical."

"You are forgiven."

My jaw dropped. I hadn't expected that. "Let's be frank here. It's Fiendfyre. There's not much mystery to be had."

"You control it remarkably well."

"So I've been told."

"We have a specialist in arcane magics. They wield Fiendfyre well. Do you wish to compare?"

"Not terribly." I replied mildly, "A Fiendfyre Duel doesn't sound like one that has two survivors."

"Hmmmm." She paused "Perhaps not. How about we do one at a time then?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I haven't exactly learned tricks."

"You have a familiar with your Fiendfyre. I don't believe any of us have seen that before."

I shrugged lightly, working out a kink in my still upraised left shoulder.

She frowned slightly. "You should also let us look at your shoulder, Mister Pond."

"Mungo's already did."

"We are not Saint Mungo's."

I sighed. "Don't you guys have anything better to do?"

She smirked, "At the moment, we do not."

"Wonderful. Can I at least see how many people are out here with you?"

"Of course. That was rude of us." She made a gentle hand motion, and several people melted into existence. Two, four, six, and her. There were six in a relative circle around me, no more than sixty feet away from me. The woman was at a mid point between two of the others.

"Yep. I'm fucked."

She opened her mouth to retort, but was drowned out but a very loud explosion behind me. I quickly rolled forward and the my right, away from the blast. I knew that I was never going to survive this, but damned if I wouldn't give it a shot. I fired out a wide area cutting curse at the four in front of me. It's classified as Dark, but they already had Fiendfyre casting on me, so the gloves were well past being off. The two at the edges fell to it, which just left me with the woman and the person who was directly to her left. I ignored her for the time being, since she didn't seem interested in fighting.

"Fire with fire!" The one Unspeakable yelled, and with it, he unleashed his Fiendfyre.

"Mother fucker!" I yelled. I didn't have a choice at this point. "Let's go buddy." I muttered to myself as my turtle took to the skies. The pull on my magic was a bit greater since there wasn't any available fuel, but my turtle went straight for the opposing blaze and slammed out a huge wall between it and myself. The waves were now absolutely enormous, reaching thirty to forty feet high. I felt the aggression of the Unspeakable's Fiendfyre ramming against my protection, but my turtle held. Then, the drain of my magic ceased entirely. The wall still held strong against the onslaught, but it didn't need my help to do so.

I couldn't help it. I cackled.

I spun back toward where the explosion was, only to see two bodies tied up and a very confused-looking Matthew.

My first thought was, "Oh. The explosion was him." But that thought was quickly demolished by, "My roommate took out two Unspeakables!" They were going to lock us away or toss us through the Veil in probably less than 24 hours, but damn if that wasn't the coolest thing I've ever been a part of.

"Um. Daniel?"

"Yep?"

"Are you just holding that wall there?"

Just stay nonchalant. "Yep."

"Bloody fucking hell."

I grinned, probably a little too wildly "Yep."

I heard that fucking applause again. "Mother fucker." I sighed.

I waved my turtle off. The wall dropped and he retreated towards me, but he didn't extinguish completely. The message of protection was clear, and I didn't feel like fighting the little bastard at the moment.

"Your skills are quite astonishing, Mister Pond."

"We took out four of your people. Quite pretending like we're going to live."

She laughed, "You took out four illusions. Only my partner and I are real."

Her partner was breathing hard. "You're a strong fucker, you know that?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I don't think my magical strength even reaches average, truth be told."

I was enveloped by a dim light for a moment.

"104. Slightly above average, Mister Pond."

The male Unspeakable's eyes widened, "That's one badass turtle, Daniel."

I glanced up, "What do you think? BaT, for short?"

I was given a slow nod before BaT finally winked out of existence.

"There. I fucking named him. Happy, Matthew?"

Matthew just stared at me. "Bat?"

"Yes." I nodded before turning back to the Unspeakables. "Did you get what you wanted?"

"We did, Mister Pond."

The man smirked, "You can relax, Daniel. You aren't using Fiendfyre."

"What?"

"In fact, I'm not sure it's fire at all."

"Are you insane?"

"I'm an Unspeakable." He drawled out.

"Fair point." I acknowledged. "What is it then?"

"It's a multi-faceted spell. It can devour plant matter into fertilizer and can drain energy from offensive attacks. Once it got ahold of my actual Fiendfyre, it sucked it dry and lived off the power for a bit."

"Where did you learn of it, Mister Pond?" The woman interjected.

I shrugged, "Old family book. It didn't have a name, incantation, or wand motion. It just spoke of a mindset, and that only a few would be able to use it."

"Does the book still exist?" She continued.

"Yes."

"May I scan your thoughts for its location?"

"As long as you're kind about it." I responded.

She nodded, "Bring the memory to the forefront."

"Done."

She snapped her fingers, touched a house elf that appeared for less than a second, and then the house elf popped away again. "Your brain does not hold images, Mister Pond."

"I know." I replied tiredly, "Transfiguration is a bitch."

The elf popped back with the book. She took it and turned to a particular page. She handed it to the man, who scanned the page and closed the book. He tossed the book to the elf (who popped it away again), took a deep breath, and cast.

Nothing.

He smirked a little, obviously re-centered, and cast again.

Still nothing.

He let out a loud laugh, "It's not for me, Daniel."

Matthew spoke up, "What do you have to do for it?"

The woman replied, "For the first cast to be successful, you must have no expectations. You must allow the magic to pass through you and form as it will. As such, very few are willing to give themselves up to magic. That is why I dared not attempt it. I specialize in... expectations." Her lips quirked up into a half smile.

"Oh fuck right off." I shot back.

Matthew gasped, "You can't curse in front of a lady."

"She's cultured the appearance of being a proper lady to keep people docile and willing to please. It's generally effective, I would imagine, but BaT lets me cut through bullshit."

Matthew's sputtering was drowned out by her laughter. "You refuse to comply, Mister Pond."

"I'm stubborn, and not a fan of being manipulated."

"Once again, sound reasoning, Mister Pond. Fang, please fix Mister Pond's shoulder."

"It's fine." My answer was unheard as he put a hand on my left shoulder. I felt a few things move around slightly, but I refused to flinch or wince.

"It's better than fine now." Fang winked at me and vanished.

"Good night, Mister Pond."

"Good night, Miss-"

"Shadow."

"Good night, Mistress Shadow." I intoned with a bow.

She laughter started mid-vanish, and continued to somehow echo around us for a few seconds. "We'll be in touch."

Mathew and I looked around for a bit, and then stared at each other. "Shall we?" I asked.

Matthew grabbed my other shoulder and popped us back to the apartment.

"What in the bloody hell was that?" He nearly yelled.

"I have no idea." I muttered. "At least we don't have to worry about it being Fiendfyre."

Matthew flopped down on the couch. "Thank Merlin for that."

"I'm fucking knackered." I commented as I nearly staggered towards my bedroom.

"Hey, Daniel?"

I glanced over my shoulder, "Yeah?"

"That fire thing was fucking awesome."

I smirked, "Your flash-bang was pretty good. Scared the shit out of me."

He leaned back on the couch. "I thought they were the Knights."

I raised an eyebrow. "You were ready to go 2-on-7 against them?"

He smirked, "It was 2-on-3 before the dust cleared, and that fucking turtle of yours should count as a person."

I snorted, "Maybe I'll get a picture of him."

"Go to bed, Daniel. You're being stupid again."

"Fuck off."


End file.
